Saturday, April 16, 2011

Fast Forward

I am over forty years old, but I wish I was eighty ... no, sixty years old now.

These few years will probably be the happiest time of my life. There's a steady, but could be better, income, and no short to medium term worries about food, clothings or accommodation. I still have my health in good condition, although I am starting to feel that certain screws and nuts within me are starting to loosen. I'm not an ambitious man, so all is fine. I'm happy. Most importantly, I have a lovely family with two adorable kids who, I think, also adores me. By this last blessing alone, I can easily declare that this will be the happiest time of my life.

I'm living in probably the happiest time of my life, yet I cannot fully enjoy it.


Like a swarm of flies, problems and worries, work related or otherwise, would not stop buzzing irritatingly around my head. There are no major issues, they won't kill me and they are not anything that I cannot solve, and I accept them as parts and parcels of life like I accept laughters and sunshines. But their ever-presence and persistence are annoying.

It's easy to say 'The gem cannot be polished without friction nor man without trials', or 'Adversities are the spices of life', or 'The art of living lies less in eliminating our troubles than in growing with them', or 'Rock bottom is good solid ground, and a dead end street is just a place to turn around', or simply 'Don't worry, be happy'. All valid, and all I truly believe. They all work. But, still, easier said than done. It takes times to turn the mentality around and turn those pests into solid grounds, or gems, or spices, or artistic works. And if it takes longer than my patience, I will start to get frustrated.

I'm at the happiest stage of my life, and I want to enjoy it! Fully. Totally. Completely. Every single day. Maybe I am asking too much from life.

As each day passes, I am slowly heading out of my current stage of life towards the next, which will probably be less enjoyable. I want to enjoy my life now as much as possible. In addition to the realisation that 40's is not young anymore, I am a bit desperate. I don't want these problems and worries hanging low above me blocking my full view of a clear blue sky. They might not turn into a storm, or they might get blown away, but nobody can focus in the present for ever without looking up once in a while and ponder upon the future.

Childhood was good. All we do is wake up, eat, play, eat some more, play a little bit more and sleep. Carefree. Adolescence was fantastic - friends, parties, outings, crushes. Vibrant. Early stage of adulthood was great - everyday was an adventure, every step was a new frontier conquered. Exciting. Ah ... great time. Happy time. Enjoyable time. Upon hind sight.

Looking back, reluctance to study during childhood seems petty; peer pressure during adolescence appears insignificant; job worries during early adulthood looks immaterial. Looking back, all seems rosy. But, of course, these problems and worries were as heavy then as the problems and worries that I'm facing now. In retrospect, they are weightless.

So, it would seem that to really enjoy and truly appreciate my present life, I need to be in my 60's this instant and live my life in the 40's now.

Of course, by the time I really get to 60 years old, I would probably wish that I was 80 years old. And at 80's, maybe I would wish that I was dead.



.

11 comments:

Clairity said...

Woah, this is way over my head. I'm sorry but it's hard to understand why 40 is considered old. It's not! Haven't you heard, 40 is the new 20? So forget the numbers, grab the kids, go out and have a good time, ok? (Psst, just pretend you're 20 if you have to LOL). Have a great weekend!

stefani said...

For the most part, I don't feel old. I guess I never really think about my age. Maybe it is because my parents are out there doing more things than I am and they are much older than I. But then there are those days when I sometimes get to thinking about being in my 40's and realize that I may not have much time left. It's a vicious cycle. LOL!

Anji said...

I'm in my fifties and would ague that I am at the happiest time of my life right now.

I think that you are right to remember that looking back it all seems easier then. Enjoy now and the cares and worries won't seem as important.

Anji said...

PS Your comment format breaks frames on EYB! If you need help to change it please contact me via a PM on the forums (Anji), or look in the Blogger section on the forums

I visit your blog when I’m on on ExposeYourBlog!

Buzzing J said...

Clarity:
Wait, let me check ... that's right. I didn't say 'old', I said 'not young', big difference. :-) Hope you had a good weekend, and will have great week ahead.


stefani:
Yeah, likewise, there are times when the pessimist within me will overpower the optimist within me and I can't help but feel a bit 'agey'.


Anji:
Overall, I'm at ease with my life. No complain. Not much anyway. I'm pretty much a 'half full' guy. This post is 'half empty' talking.

I'll look into the comment format. Thanks for pointing it out.

renaye said...

despite not married, i understand the fear and worries of the ability to be able to provide food and shelter for family, because that is also what i need to do for my parents.

i feel we need to be grateful for our everyda life. if we r grateful, we r able to enjoy life to the fullest.

Francis Hunt said...

Every time of your life is the best time of your life. Living in too much memory of the past of too much hope for the future takes your attention from the now, the only time you've really got! :-)

Buzzing J said...

renaye, Francis:
Sometimes, I like sky-watching, especially when I'm lying comfortably in my bed looking out my window. At those moments, when I'm at peace looking skywards, I'm being grateful and completely immersing myself into the present.

However, there will be moments when I notice that there's a window between me and the clear blue sky. And I would think, 'Won't it be nice if I can take in the view without any distraction?' Of course, I can't make the window go away because it's part of the house. Maybe I'm being greedy and asking too much.

This post is about these moments.

The Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi BJ,

Yes - I totally agree - apart from the being 60 bit. I want to stay in my forties and stop ageing.

But like you, I am possibly happier now than I have ever been (apart from work that is).

:0)

Cheers

PM

Larry Lewis said...

Enjoyed reading your post ... but ... i'm a 48 year old healthy lifestyle blogger, and feel that us nearly 50's are far younger than the groups who preceded us. I'm fitter than most 20 somethings, and can enjoy life to the max, because i know today could always be my last day ... so what is the point of waiting to enjoy life when you can find ways to do so right now.

Buzzing J said...

PM:
Nice of you to drop by. Yeah, I know you're really enjoying life now. I can read it from your posts. Actually, it's hard not to notice the enthusiasm.


Larry Lewis:
"Fitter than most 20 somethings" - how enviable. Wish I could say that.

Everyday as the last, that's how we all should live. But I hope somebody would inform the nagging duo - my problems and worries.

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