I Want To Die

Not now. When my time comes - preferably in about 40-50 more years, assuming I still have my health, and my bank account have his - I want to die a happy man.

I'm just wondering what I need to do to be a happy-dying man.

But first, I need to determine the working model of life in this department. I gave my good-for-nothing-useful mind a good nothing-better-to-do churn, and it threw out two assumption, actually two and a half. For simplicity sake, we'll assume there are only two emotions in life, happiness and sadness. Every other emotions lie within the spectrum of these two extremes.

Glass of water

Life is like a glass of water. Happiness, is like sugar added to the water, it sweetens the drink; sadness is like salt. For this argument, the sweeter the water, the better. Of course, the amount of water will increase with time, otherwise, the water will taste so sweet, it'll become bitter. And, of course, we can't live without salt. But these are already two totally different stories.

If my life is to end at this very moment, before I close my eyes for the last time, I would take a sip from my glass. If it tastes sweet, I would go with a smile and die happy. If it tastes salty, I'll be wearing a grimace to go. My glass of water tasting as salty as it is right now, I would have to make sure that every spoon into my water of life from now on is sugar, to sweeten out the saltiness. It seems a lot of hard work.

Magnetic Drawing Board (Magna Doodle)

Our day will start with a blank page every day. If we feel happy, we'll be drawing happy things onto the board; if we feel sad, sad things. If I am to die when I am halfway filling up the drawing board with sunshine, satisfying coffee, smooth traffic, smiling faces, etc, I'll die a happy man. I don't want to die when I am halfway drawing the logo of my credit card on top of its outstanding amount, my foot stepping onto dog shit, my dwindling bank account's figure, tree falling onto my car or anything that drives my happiness away. The good thing about this assumption is that, if I do end the day with sadness all over the board, I'll get a fresh blank page the next morning to prepare for my moment.

So, that's the two models of life. The other half? Well, it's another version of the magnetic drawing board with a refreshing rate at every moment, instead of every day. If right at the moment I exhale my last breath, I have a smile on my face, then I'll die a happy man. It doesn't matter if 5 seconds before that, I was drowned with sorrow.

It does seem that the magnetic drawing board way of life is simpler and happier. It's much more achievable too.

On a day when I don't want to die, and couldn't be more keen on living, that's my lively thought on my death.

So, how do you like to die?


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